Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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