she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish I only lived at night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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