You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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