you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
COCAINE IS GR8
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
