I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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