I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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