got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
