just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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