you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
