you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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