i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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