she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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