you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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