nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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