I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
