Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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