Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
