Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
