I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
im on a boat
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