just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
