so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
