I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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