Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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