And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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