you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
