i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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