we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
