You made me cry and you don't even care
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
