Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
