Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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