good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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