I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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