In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
