Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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