She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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