i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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