just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Randomize
