Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
