i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
