Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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