its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
