so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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