note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This couple is walking their pig around campus
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
