i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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