i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
