why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sorry my hands just texted you
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
