i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
