Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
