Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
