My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
