Dual....:-)
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
