New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
